so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize