I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want her autograph on my taint
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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