Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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