you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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