I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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