just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she looked like the before picture.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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