I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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