Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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