Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize