tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize