but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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