let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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