she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize