We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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