I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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