So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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