guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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