Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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