all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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