I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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