in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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