She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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