what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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