my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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