Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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