I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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