i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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