your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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