I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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