Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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