i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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