Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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