I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize