So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i love accidental penises.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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