Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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