my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize