marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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