i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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