you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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