after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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