True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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