I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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