In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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