i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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