i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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