I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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