put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well I can't set my house on fire every night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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