pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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