You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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