Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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